DORA GETS LOOSE AT THE FUNCTION

We all should know by now there's a dark side to Dora The Explorer. First off, my can't she ever find a top to fit her? Next, where the hell are her parents? Other than that, Dora shows us how she gets her "Dougie" on and turn a party out rachet-style!

LEGOOO!

I'M BAAAACK!!!

(*put em up, put em up, put em uuuup!* - The Wayans Bros.)

That's right people! WKOF is back in full effect! After taking some time off to get over the prom 2010 foolishness and Khia's recent arrest that left me hurting on the inside, I feel like it's time for the return of premium and top quality rachetness you can only find on WKOF (and your local CHUUUCH, school or hospital...don't ask).

REALLY MARIAH?

Here's another edition of Mariah Carey being photoshopped-and-screwed!

Mariah is ready to release her fourth fragrance titled Lollipop Bling next month and has released the first promo ad from the collection. Mimi, I understand you're eternally 12 years old for the rest of your cotton candy-filled-rainbow life, but this is too far! This looks like something you would find an 8 year-old do for an arts & crafts collage. Or better yet, like this perfume is exclusively for Family Dollar.

The OMG Girlz would be so over this to promote this perfume. Miss Piggy (aka Tiny), let's get to work on this deal!

(*I still love you though Mariah - lol)

"BLACK HOLE" OR "BLACK WHORE"?

They say young people like to cause problems, but I beg to differ now that old people are the new sh** starters of the new decade.

An NAACP chapter in Los Angeles filled with old coloreds are under the impression that an audio Hallmark graduation card, who's topic is related to the solar system, is degrading Black women by saying "black whores."

#PAUSE

Clearly if you hear correctly, the card is saying "black hole" as in the solar system relation. And I wouldn't trust an older person pass the age of 65 who has hearing problems. I can just see in their eyes they wanna start sh** for the hell of it. Plus, they look like they're from the Harriett Tubman days and probably never learned about science unless it's planting watermelons. (Ok, I took it too far with that but this is just foolishness)

A spokesperson for Hallmark went on to say that the card has been around for almost three years and have not received a complaint until now (hmmmm....).

WKOF CLIP OF THE DAY: ULTIMATE DRUMMER

You know when someone is serious as sh** at what they do and they're not really a professional at that field? Look no further than this vid right here with this man who is giving all of his life and more while drumming for this band.

KHIA ON ABC NEWS

This interview is a couple of weeks old and I posted it on DOC TV at that same time, but I just couldn't bring myself to post this African Wet Monkey on WKOF...until now!

While some rappers appear on 106 & Park or MTV Jams to promote their new projects, Khia took another route. Miss Shamone made an unexpected appearance on ABC News at the wee hour of 4 in the morning. No, she didn't do no hood rat sh** to add another mugshot to the 'Gangstress' album cover, but she was there to do a good deed...promote her new single "Been A Bad Girl" and her new album 'Khia Shamone/Motor Mouf.' She also spoke on Janet Jackson and her arts & crafts glasses her chil'ren constructed.

I gotta say, shout out to her publicist for making this happen, even though it won't help her move units. This 60 year-old woman's self-esteem is so high. Gold star for you Khiran!

VIDEO: LIL B - "LOOK LIKE JESUS"

"hoes on my d**k 'cus I look like Jesus...N*ggas get mad 'cus I dress like Jesus Christ"

I blame Soulja Boy for this tomfoolery right here!

Unknown "rapper" Lil B hit up his local Words of Jericho On Top Of A Mighty Rock Seventh-Day Christian Missionary Baptist Tabernacle Church of God in Christ to shoot a video (dramatic close ups & all) for his "track" "Look Like Jesus."

I have my tithes already on deck to put on the offering table this Sunday because I just can't process this.

EVEREST COLLEGE GOES HOOD

We all know the Everest College commercial that's loved by many during the commercial break for Maury and Jerry Springer, but now the producers have moved on to another leading guy to pursue people to attend their "prestigious" institute.

FANNY MAE BURRITO IN ALL-BLACK EVERYTHING

Fantasia and all of her ghetto-beauty stunk up the stage with her stank jig at the BVI Music Festival, which was held the other day. In true Fanny Mae fashion, shoes courtesy of Olive Ole were kicked off to athlete's foot odors and had sweat juice dripping all proper like from the meat stacks on her back.

I just know her stank snatch smells like boiling hot dog water mixed with a dirty BBQ grill and a seafood feast. Someone PLEASE tell Fanny Mae that if you're gonna sweat uncontrollably on stage, do the following:

- wear Degree deodorant (the 24 hour protection and swipe the armpit region at least 20 times)

- stop wearing black nylon material

- keep your shoes on at LEAST one time

- bring a wash cloth on stage to wipe your face and some baby wipes (i'm just sayin')

ANOTHER FOOD STAMP-APPROVED REALITY SHOW ON THE WAY

The most hood rat-certified family of all time on television will make a resurgence on your 13-inch black and white screen (or World Star Hip Hop). That's right folks, break out the paper plates, red cups and the 99cent Tony's frozen pizza because Neffe and her sperm donor of her latest seed Soullow along with her clan of chil'ren are returning to the world of reality TV. Here is how it's explained in the press release sent below:

Neffe and Soullow of the Frankie and Neffe show will be moving forward with their life as they continue to excel towards their goals and the goals of their children. They will make a public announcement via the internet letting the world know about the many things they have to come and the many things going on with their family. James DuBose of DuBose Entertainment will bring into the homes of many, a new reality show entitled “The Neffe and Soullow Family Tree” (http://www.duboseent.com). While the family has decided to move along and continue to make life better for their children Frankie will be making life better for herself separately pursuing other opportunities.

As a graphic designer, I just can't take the fact that Soullow's play cousin took this photo and tagged it with an un-inspiring type face. I will say this though, if BET picks this up but still won't play Ciara's "Ride" video, I'm personally driving to DC to deliver Debra Lee a bucket of Fantasia's sweat juice.

KHIA'S BEEN A BAD GIRL

The creature known as Khia has just unveiled her new video for her new single "Been A Bad Girl," the lead from her new double disc Motor Mouf/Khia Shamone. The clip for the self-proclaimed wifey of Lil Wayne (she really believes that) was shot with director Clifton Bell in NYC last month. Carmine Gotti makes a cameo in the school room scene (remember the show 'Growing Up Gotti?' he's one of Victoria Gotti's sons).

How in the VAN HAM DAMN did Khia manage have a good looking video like this? What happened to the low budget of her classic "Be Your Lady" video? I gotta admit, I'm impressed this dirty, nasty broad pulled off a video like this, Dollar Tree version of Lady Gaga's easter basket headgear & all! She's still ugly as hell though :-(

THE GREAT TODDLER STRIPPER

I've seen my share of little kids on the verge of doing hoe sh** and hood rat stuff, but this lil toddler working her Pampers on the pole to buy to Gerber cereal takes it to a whole 'nother level!

IS YOUR CHICK AS BAD AS THE BABY SITTERS CLUB?

If y'all haven't been aware of this, the hit TV musical/comedy GLEE is giving everyday people the opportunity to audition to appear on the next season via Myspace.

Well, these members of the Baby Sitters Club aka Candy Slice transformed into #BasicBarbieBroads by having an interesting twist on Ludacris' "My Chick Bad" Remix featuring Diamond, Trina & Eve.

I'll be damned if Rachel Berry sings about being in a wam bam purple Lam and telling Kurt Hummel "damn bitch you BEEN A FAAAAAAN!!!" on the next season of GLEE

CHEAP ASS VIDEO ALERT

Key points of this cheap ass video:

- A Nigerian version of Lil Kim giving her best Khia impersonation
- A 5-thread count bed sheet being used as a background with a Toys R Us Discovery set projector providing the visual backdrops (influenced by Drake's "Over" video)
- Effortless pussy poppin & ass droppin'

Nigerian actress/singer Judith Mazagwu (Sasha Fierce code name AfroCandy) is taking the world by storm with her wall climbing, vagina thrusting, slow twerking infused single “Ikebe Na Moni.”

All this cheap-ass-ness, slab of meat packs on her back and drop zone ass crack is enough to go up against Kiely's "Spectacular" as video of the year nominees.

WTF ARE YOUR PARENTS LIL RUDE BOY???

This is what Fantasia aka Fanny Mae Burrito looked like as a young gal in High Point, NC back in the 90s.

But back to the situation at hand, this video is a prime example as to why father's should stay in their sons lives.

A little 12 year-old boy who's a strong candidate for the "swagga club" conjured up his own version of Rihanna's "Rude Boy" in his dome and projected it to the world YouTube-style.

Why does this lamb of God have on his little sister's French Toast school uniform stockings and a wannabe tie-dye shirt he made in art class? Also shout out to Family Dollar for providing this soul with a DIVA-proof pillow he holds close to his heart every night.

Lil HOW YOU DOOOIN??? also gave a impromptu shout out to Nicki Minaj by announcing proudly "It's Barbie Bitch!!!" He also had his fresh TracFone on deck as evoked strong raw emotion through his eyes (he's been watching too much America's Next Top Model).

THE EPITOME OF SOME HOE SH**

Let's give a clap, clap bravo to the official prostitute anthem of 2010!

When I think of Kiely Williams, I think about her being promised some Kate Spade in the 8th grade with 3LW and then making a commitment to being a Cheetah Girl, Cheetah Sister a few years ago. Now with her gap closed (yet another is now open if you know what I mean), Kiely took hoe sh** to another level with the release of her new video "Spectacular."

“I think he pulled a track out while he was blowing my back out…. I hope you used a rubber, or I’m gonna be in trouble…” are some of the lyrics for your listening pleasures. Want some more?

"Last I remember I was face down
Ass up, clothes off, broke off, dozed off
Even though I’m not sure of his name
He could get it again if he wanted
Cause the sex was spectacular
The sex was spectacular"

This is just some plain foolishness right here! Now where's Khia for the remix to add her stank snatch to the mix.

CLUB WAL-MART DOC-ARAZZI ON DECK!

ALL SILVER EVERYTHING!

Fanny Mae-tasia Burrito made a special appearance via the 2020 version of herself at her local 24hr Wal-Mart supercenter.

I see she still got some colorful influences courtesy of her ex Young Dro and her brother Teeny.

HARAJUKU DANIELLE IS SALTY!

In this video, we have a member of team chunk who squeezed out the last hope of Crest toothpaste in her tube and spread it across her lips and eyelids. And let's not forget the Dollar Tree beads from the toy section and the dish towel she's sporting on her head.

Basically in this video, she explains the difference between the Harajuku Barbie styles (or lack of) from Nicki Minaj and Gwen Stefani.

SWAGGA CLUB PROOF (4/7)

For toaday's edition of SWAGGA CLUB PROOF, Precious dons red mohawk-styled dreads and takes on Mike Tyson's special speech for her debut video "On Some Other Stuff." So much raw emotion was evoked in this single video, I don't know if I blame Mary Jones for pushing Precious down the steps or throwing the cold pigs feet at her. But Precious had yet another dream sequence of making it out of Harlem, by envisioning herself as a video hoe-fessional towards the end.

KHIA SHOOTS BIG BUDGET VIDEO FOR "BAD" SINGLE

Okay, the big budget aspect was a far stretch. Don't take it serious people LOL

The original queen of all foolishness Khia does her best tranny impersonation of Lady Gaga in her new video for "Been A Bad Girl." The track is one of two lead singles from her new album Khia Shamone/Motor Mouf (that's really the title), which be available as coasters at your local Dollar Tree (or Dollar store) this summer.

Sorry Miss Shamone, but only Gaga can put an easter basket on her head and make it 'fierce'. This creature here is just the nastiest looking beast to ever hit nature. I will give it to Khiran for doing something illegal to gather up a nice amount of funds to shoot this video. The budget looks WAAAAAAY more than that Windows Movie Maker foolishness known as "Be Your Lady."

(*shout out to Freddy O for the pics)

OH KELIS :(

Oh Kelis Rogers-Jones, I understand 'Avatar' is like the hottest movie out at the moment and you have always been an advocate for being different. But this shit right here, I CAN'T!!! The Statue of Liberty head gear mixed with the upgrade of Shanell (from Young Money) nose/ear lobe connector (or whatever the hell its called) is too much. You like the techno version of the cowardly lion from 'The Wizard of Oz'...I shall call you The Techno Cowardly Lion of Liberty.

And what the hell are these shoes made of? She also hit the stage at the Dipdive event and performed her biggest hit "Milkshake" and her new single "Acapella."

Don't get it twisted though people, Kelis was doing extra shit before Lady Gaga (and helped influence Rihanna's edgy style - along with Fefe Dobson).
Once again, Fanny Mae Burrito-I mean Barrino will help illustrate my feelings on Kelis' "Little Star" World imagery by clicking --> here

JAY & BEY GIVE THE 'STANK' FACE

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!! (courtesy of Jay's 2nd verse in "Run This Town")

The Carters were in France last week for the NRJ Awards and attended the after party. That was when they displayed a hard look of disgust when Kizzy Rowland entered the building.

(SN: Not a true stop, well atleast I don't think so. But you never know)

LIL KIM MAKEUP TIPS

She may have been on a professional break ever since Danity Kane split, but that hasn't stopped Aundrea Fimbres from having a lil side hustle as a makeup artist.

Okay people, it's not really Aundrea (just to put that out there). But she looks like her when she put on the stress weight during the last season of Making the Band 4.

Any who, the Queen of Blending to on a difficult task of putting together the ultimate makeup tips to look just like the Queen Bee herself, Lil Kim. This is the perfect video for you ladies (and/or the "How You Doin'?" Crew) to get some early Halloween tips. And whats even sad, everything the girl said in the vid is exactly true to Kim's style of makeup. But I did have some flatline moments watching this LOL.

#BasicBarbieBroad Alert!

I blame you Nicki Minaj for all of this #BasicBarbieBroad craziness. When I see Clareece Precious Jones emulate your "style" it becomes a problem because now Team Chuck will think its acceptable to let it all hang out, meat packs, beef hot links & all.

I feel just like Fanny Mae right here!

CRAZY TRAIN LADY ON DECK

Looks like we have another Soulja Girl on the Marta code 10/man down situation at hand.

Once again, the MARTA train system in Atlanta is back on the foolishness trail after video footage surface of this crack whore talking about the things she like to do that is NSFW.

I'll be damned and flatline-d if I find myself on the El in Philly and see some foolishness like this.

NEWS: POLICE SAY MAN BREAKS INTO HOUSE, FRIES CHICKEN AND CUTS HAIR (REAL LIFE "BRUH MAN")

An Easton man broke into a West Ward home on Sunday, cut his hair, took a shower, cooked fried chicken then refused to leave when the homeowner found him watching television, court records say.

According to court records:

Jose N. DeGracia, of the first block of North Fourth Street, broke into the home in the first block of South 15th Street by smashing the front door window with a large rock.

Grace Kraus, who lives at the home, told police she came back to find DeGracia sitting in her television room. She told police she did not know the man and he refused to leave.

Police said it appeared as though DeGracia had visited every room in the house. Kraus’ family photos were turned face down and several photos were taken off the walls. Dressers and closets had been rummaged through. DeGracia had also allegedly taken a shower and cut his hair in the kitchen, where he was also preparing fried chicken.

DeGracia was arrested and charged with burglary, criminal trespass, theft and criminal mischief. He was sent to Northampton County Prison in lieu of $15,000 bail.

It just had to be someone in Pennsylvania.

MINI DADDY?

OH. HELL. NO.

I CAN'T AND WILL NOT!!!

I believe that children are our future / Teach them well and let them lead the way / Show them all the beauty they possess inside...

I blame Whitney Houston for this classic line from "The Greatest Love of All." Lil El Pollo Loco is beginning his "rap" career at an early age with this foolish clip I couldn't stop LOL-ing at. I support kids and their decisions to do something in the arts, but this ain't it! And I had no clue Aeropostle made Team Chuck game-proper husky clothing.

KEYSHIA COLE IS BACK AT IT AGAIN

Remember Keyshia Cole's play/blood cousin from the "Obsessed" YouTube vid? He/she is back taking on Beyonce's "Check On It" and I just can't and will not!

QUICK FLICKS: FANTASIA @ 106 & PARK

Following her win at the 2010 Miss Johnson's School of Christ 2nd Grade Spelling Bee in North Carolina, Fantasia jet-setted to NYC to appear on last night's 106 & Tragedy to promote her new VH1 reality series. I see after leaving Young Dro (the king of color palettes), Fanny Mae ditched the red Kool Aid hair & actually put lotion on her an-kals. Too bad her married T-mobile boo "Cook" went back to his wife & kids and left ol' Ciely by her lonesome.

BTW, Mary J. Blige came in 10th at the spelling bee.

FLAVOR FLAV WILL "NEVER LET YOU GO" (UNFORTUNATELY)

Two weeks ago, I heard the disturbing news that Dark NightFlavor Flav released a new single and video that was R&B. I stuck to my word to never watch the foolishness of the auto-tune fest that is "I'll Never Let You Go." Well today, I was suckered into listening to it after one of my friends sent me a text of the video.

Now, the song sounds like a nice R&B track for an actual R&B male artist. But this shit right here, TRAGIC!!! I was waiting for the "haha this was a jokey-joke!" at the end, but it never came. The sad part is that its released on iTunes, but even sadder is that someone probably purchased this.

T-Pain would be proud.

SISQO: STILL ITCHING FOR A DOLLAR

Last night, about 60 million people in England were watching “celebrities” enter the Celebrity Big Brother house. The (Y)ou(T)uber(S) would have their names announced, speak to the host and then proceed into the house.

BUT, the Dragon just HAD to make a scene and perform as if he had a hit single out right now. Sisqo sported blonde hair and jigged around stage to his 2000 hit "Thong Song."

Hey, a check is a check in this recession (and he's had one since 2001).

KFC AND THEIR AUSTRALIAN CHICKEN AD

So is this how you get Black people to be quiet during a West Indian cricket team match?

Judging by this KFC ad for Australia, it certainly looks that way. The ad shows a very distressed white guy, surrounded by a crowd of black people at a cricket match, who wonders, "Need a tip when you're stuck in an awkward situation?" He gets out of the "awkward situation" by handing them a bucket of chicken.

I know people look at it as a racist thing, but whenever Black and chicken are spoken in the same sentence, I just laugh because in all honesty, its funny. Don't believe me? Look at the Popeye's video & "Fry That Chicken" in the Best of the Decade post.

MC: BLAME IT ON THE ALCOHOL!

Finally getting legit recognition for her acting, Mariah Carey was honored at the 2010 Palm Springs International Film Festival awards gala last night (1/5). Precious director Lee Daniels presented his star with the Breakthrough Actress Performance award for her role as a social worker in the critically-acclaimed film.

It wasn't the award that has people talking today. It's the acceptance speech thats gaining press. You see, Mariah came on stage a lil, urm...tipsy off the JiggaJuice! Mariah has always been an advocate of sipping champagne during some interviews (YouTube some of them or go to THE DOC REPORT and search this old post I had titled "Mariah Carey: O.O.C."). But this time, the drinks must've been flowing real decent-like for her to dismiss her normally diva presence.

CHICKEN TETRAZZINI ON DECK!

What comes between a relationship of 4 yuurs and a friendship of 7 yuurs? Chicken Tetrazzini!

As I went through my list of top Foolish Clips of the decade, I noticed I forgot this memorable Maury show moment from April 2009.

Alycia is concerned that her man Paul is cheating on her with best friend because of Chicken Tetrazzini! I never knew what Chicken Tetrazzini was until this trickery aired on TV. I blame Maury for highlighting this foolishness, but I feel guilty for further exposing it (lol).